I have learned a new word: Marinating! I love it! It is a metaphor which describes in a very figurative way how you are entangled, surrounded, boxed in, full of something for instance thoughts, a dilemma, a stressful or difficult situation for instance when the unemployment situation gets to be too much. You can't move, there seems to be no way out, you are stuck and you are just captured in that everlasting box of feelings and emotions - you are surrounded and soaked - it is all over you!
As for marination this process can last seconds or days and is carried out with different mixtures of spices to flavor the food items and the experience. But letting something soak in leaves time for reflection and for turning over the matter in one's mind and very often new possibilities will occur.
Being watched over is a feeling which has come to me several times as unemployed and being part of the Danish job creation program. I suppose the intention of the Danish insurance system in the early days was to comfort the unemployed in a difficult situation but thats not the case anymore. The system has turned into a grotesque labyrinth of rules and control which from a human and psychological point of view makes it very difficult for the individual to stay focused on what is essential, namely finding a new job opportunity. It seems to be the ruling belief that the unemployed cheat - a way of thinking which has its origin in the 70's and the 80's, a different time with a more nonchalantly understanding of social benefits mostly repercussions from the happy 60's. An approach based on mistrust and a belief that unemployed in general misuse social benefits and avoid the obligation to seek job, generates individual emotions of shame and guilt and this is from a psychological point of view not encouraging in a difficult situation.
Constant surveillance of the individual to ensure justice of the system do not mentally secure the individual and may have as a consequence that the individual feels insecure - the security system produces its own insecurity!
Having the feeling of constantly being watched over - logs, letters, plans made by others, official people asking what I'm doing etc. - generates a unconscious pattern of behavior where I start monitoring myself - am I doing the right thing at the moment? and I may even start to change behavior into a pattern which I do hope is not misunderstood by in this case the system - a kind of "I better give them this because it gives me less trouble" or "they want me to look for...". To me it is a worrying and misunderstood way of treating unemployed people.
It is difficult to give you the impression of being surveyed - but let me make an attempt! Put yourself into the position of being watched over by this short sequence from the French thriller "Hidden" (French: Caché) from 2005 by Michael Haneke about a French family whose quiet daily life is disturbed when they start to receive surveillance tapes of their own residence from an anonymous source. Later they receive letters and things showing that someone with a thorough knowledge of the family is secretly watching them and their life starts to collapse. Yes the sequence is short but give it a try...
Talking about "the system", the official job creation program, as a facade and an illusion reminds me of the french-Italien movie "The Confession" (French: L'Aveu) from 1970 starring the married couple Yves Montand and Simone Signoret in two of their best roles.
It is a movie based on a book by Lise and Arthur London covering the true story about the very same Czech communist Arthur London who was defended in the Slánský trial in 1952. It is more a movie against totalitarianism and the trial than communism in particular.
In the movie the Czech vice minister of foreign affairs, Gerard, is kidnapped and imprisoned without knowing the reason why. Even though he is a loyal and faithful communist he is accused of treachery by an organization declaring themselves "above the ruling party". Because the system needs a case he is forced to play the game by using brainwashing techniques, drugs, learning by rote and physical humiliation and pressured into confessing imaginary crimes in a public court together with many others leading communists.
It becomes more and more clear to them that they are part of a show trial, the system has to make them an example, it is a make up of imaginary rules and systems needed to be followed to fulfill the empty show.
Things starts to fall apart and even though it is a matter of life, survival and uncertainty, humor and irony breaks through and becomes a turning point.
Well I know the Slánský trial is another ball game, but I could not resist the chance to point out some similarities to my own experiences. Judge for yourself. Here is a scene from the end of the movie.
Field Music, a band from Sunderland, England is on my mind at the moment. The Band consists of the core members David and Peter Brewis, Kev Dosdale, Ian Black and from time to time Andrew Moore. They have been on and off since they formed in 2004, but they are still here and seem to have a massive tour going on in the UK this year
It is melodic classic English pop which pushes to my boundaries and I love them. They break the rules with their edge-cutting lyrics, riffs, their wry way of putting words together combined with humor and irony. Their expression is traditional with spots of Beatles and on the other hand utterly modern.
Their songs often expresses the everyday hopelessness in a challenging andprovocative way - and are in many ways an outlet for feelings like: Shame, guilt, humiliation often associated to the meaningless in life and work life in particular.
Of course there songs strikes a resonance in my own situation by putting words on the emotions and feelings and in that respect they are part of my mental work out.
So the picture of being shattered in different ways is recognizable: Applications which never became reality, the way "the system" - the job creation program - treats me as unemployed - becoming more and more an illusion which in the beginning is dealt with enthusiastic but in time becomes a painful duty done in pure and simple necessity - "Them that do nothing make no mistakes" - it is well known that the system is a facade - "How do we trust the speaker - When his calling is to call?".
But this particular song also draws my attention to the different interpretations of "doing nothing" not meaning necessary laziness or cheating or the like as "the system" believes in. But to me there is also a forward-looking, positive, optimistic, reflective and edifying outcome of doing nothing for a period of time. It is a way to establish room for reflection, new ideas and creativity. I think it has become a new theme for me!
"I don't mean to sound tight" but listen to the song yourself!
Experiences from a recent meeting at the local outplacement bureau which is working for the local authority.
My past which remained the past The walls have the same white color, the tables are the same as last time, set as at the doctor's, three in total, one chair in front and one behind - but the caseworker is new. She tells about her past – AF (employment service), Kultorvet (job center) and about her current job at the local outplacement bureau which is working for the local authority - very stimulating for her apparently. I think: "Where am I in this? - But small talk is always a good way to learn to know each other!" I'm waiting to see when we'll come to who I am and what I need, although it all feels like it starts all over again like the first meeting. But it's just that, we do not. My history with the local outplacement bureau remains in the past, my CV and I personally seem to be uninteresting – the case worker only briefly listens to what I have done lately and asks shortly about whether I got my last job through a program for unemployed people (!) - No I did not - I found it myself at that time 10 years ago in the queue in Metro (local super store) – using my network - no reflection or reaction to see on the other side of the table.
My course will be rectified My future is very quickly getting complicated - I do not have the right ticks in the journal. Another case worker is called. An intense and technicaldiscussion takes place between the first and the arriving caseworker - it's obviously complicated - is he a HIG'er? - Has he taken the writing course? - How with this or that course? - He must be activated – it is almost time for that! In itself interesting to observe how it is possibleto plan someone else's future without asking him. Minutes goes by and becomes more of its kind – I'm loosing myself there at the chair in front of the desk – but somehow I pull myself together and hear myself saying: "Maybe someone has evaluated individually, that I should not participate on the writing course!". The continuous talking stops briefly and a head is turned towards me - but only for a short time - then the discussion continues. I have now been upgraded to "the candidate". It takes a little time before I become aware that the candidate is me and that my candidacy is to get anew job. "The candidate has a right to know what the requirements are!" - Yes but I'm alsositing here and looking forward to join the talk. Gradually, the solution is obvious - a four week course will solve the problems – by joining that I will fit into the system and be back on the track again - my course is rectified - it is clearing up from a system point of view. A head is turned towards me noting: "You can probably understand that if you don't have the right ticks and the requirements are not met, we as the local outplacement bureau will not get the job next time! " - The discussion between the two case workers continues. Well to me it sounds reasonable that we secure two jobs for the case workers rather than one for me ...
It is probably best for you Time passes and I feel more and more runned-over and without any influence – I'm just sitting - collapsing on a chair in front of the desk. There is a lot of typing on the keyboard - the journal is updated – I'm systematized!. A leaflet about work experience in a company is pushed across the table: "You've been to several meetings, have you not heard about this?" - A fleeting wonder passed her face, however iswas quickly swept away: "It's probably best for you!". Now I begin to come to myself - in front of the desk - now it is becoming enough. Three quarters has past with requirements I had to meet - "Wheream I in this?" - "But we know what goals we must meet, therefore......" the case worker tried. "But my situation now is that the .....!" For the first time the two case workers looks at me and listens for a short time. "But what about the ticks?" asks the first caseworker. The second case worker now takes leadership and makes a plan: "Well - go home and think about it – and then we can talk about it next time"....... I leave the office with the white walls - new candidates has arrived and a case worker has risen from his desk and are in the process of counting and pointing at a wall calendar - it's obviously something with timetables and activation - the candidate sits silently chewing the side bar of his glasses and watch the arms swinging up and down. I trudges across the parking lot – I'm shocked, my whole body is shaking, I feel slighted, I feel the humiliation and the feeling of not having control over my own situation – this is meaningless.
"Don´t forget the parking card!" someone is shouting after me - the first caseworker is clearly nervous that I will not hand it back! I return the parking card - the caseworker is relieved, now she is in control of the situation. I return to the home base - wondering how long it is necessary to put up with this? And wondering if others have suffered similar experiences?
PS. The next meeting was canceled because of reorganization - so now it starts all over again again ......what a waste of mental and economical resources.
Well almost! But the thoughts and ideas connected to my Walkabout is mentioned at the end in this radio program - "The social challenge" - based on an interview with stress consultant Karina Weidner from IAK (Danish unemployment insurance fund for engineers). The program is about stress and unemployment drawing the attention to the fact that for many unemployed, unemployment makes them feel so stressful that they need help to be able to find themselves a new job.
Listen to the specific broadcast here (I'm sorry but it is only in Danish).
I have now become a guestblogger at get2business - which is a blog created by IAK (Danish unemployment insurance fund) covering about 65,000 engineers, employed and self-employed - just great!
The get2business blog is a place for both unemployed and people in job to network and to share knowledge and experiences about being job-seeking.
